Finally! A blog post with a TOTALLY RELEVANT BLOG TITLE!


Professional wrestling. It’s real. It’s fake. It’s wonderful and horrible at the same time. It’s the closest we’ll ever get to spandex clad heroes and villains battling it out in the real world. And in the galaxy of Nomad Tofu, it is all that matters.

Unfortunately, we’re treading very spoiler-ridden territory if we go any further into THAT world, so instead we’re going to talk about the pinnacle of sports entertainment in THIS world, and what prompted this divergent comic strip.

The long and short of it is that the wrestling monopoly that is World Wrestling Entertainment has finally come to a head with the emotions of its fan-base. It happened at last Sunday’s Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View (an event sure to be dubbed The Royal Fumble), where instead of delivering on an outcome fans have been screaming blue in the face about – for years – the company instead raised the hand (and finger) of an old part-timer with the loosest of ties to mainstream appeal… for the third year in a row. And the crowd turned on them. Not the guy, or the story or the twist, but the company. The fallout of which is already apparent, with recent rumblings that the company’s creative department is completely overhauling all of its plans in a 2-day whirlwind conference. The fallout of which has led to the walk-out of one of its most popular stars. The fallout of which has already seen, and will continue to see, crowds hijacking shows with jeers of complete revulsion.

And the thing is, this could all be a work. A fiction. An unbelievable ruse. Because wrestling is a world where the goons in the back are constantly trying to pull the wool over the spectator’s eyes. To fool them into believing what is happening is real, and not a work of pulled punches. They play with hearts as deftly as a politician, and ride their outpouring all the way to the bank. It’s been a train-wreck that could be revealed to have been purposefully staged for a plugged-in world that desperately needs to be put in its place. Or, y’know, not. It’s horrible. It’s wonderful. It’s all very meta. It’s wrestling.

Perhaps most importantly, its grabbed the attention of people who have not paid attention in quite some time. All in time for the release of arguably their biggest endeavor to date, which begins in a few short weeks. Whether it’s all an unimaginable dream-come-true or a laughably sour reality, they’ve certainly gotten me hook, line and sinker. And I feel 12 about it.

You’re killin’ me, Smalls!

Posted on – 01/30/14